good morning

I have a busy but great day ahead of me. I would have liked to get it started a little earlier, but oh well. I guess I just need to saviour these mornings of calm before work begins again next week. I started to put together a rough timetable for myself so I could map out exactly when and what I plan to get done during particular times of the day. It’s nothing too crazy (I promise!) but just an outline for myself to follow in order to maximise my time and also keep me centred and purposeful. Whilst I have always been a ‘morning person’, I was finding it really difficult last year to continually begin my days feeling refreshed, relaxed and organised. I had no routine, coffee was my breakfast, I didn’t organise lunches (not to mention even care that I can’t eat particular foods due to my fructose issues) and I wasn’t exercising.
As a primary teacher, I feel that me looking after myself is a pretty important aspect to prioritise – obviously for my own health, but to also be a good example for the kids that I will be teaching. I’ve never been too good at putting my health or myself first so hopefully I’m starting off in the right direction!


With Purpose

I have purpose today. It’s one of those days where I actually feel capable of achieving things instead of just wandering around in a daze. Whether I actually ‘achieve’ anything spectacular is a different matter entirely (haha lolz), but I think it’s important to to take time out to recognise this change in mindset. Why is today more purposeful than yesterday?

During my walk this morning, I felt pretty good about things. I am a ‘start on a Monday’ kinda girl and so I just feel like, with one week to go before work begins again for the new year, that today was the start of me getting sorted for that. It makes sense; there’s no rocket science there but I just find it quite interesting that without a purpose, how our days can just meander into weeks, and into months… and before you know it, 6 months have flown by and you can’t even remember one good thing that happened. It’s actually a scary thought. And it’s one of the main reasons I have started this blog; because I never want to go through another year and be unaccountable and without purpose.

Speaking of this blog – I know I have been a tad tardy with updates. To be honest, I’m still getting my head around the whole thing and sussing out exactly what I want to put on here. It’s gonna be a mixture, I think.

After re-reading the #2015 list, I realised I’ve already started delving into some of my aims. I feel pretty good about that because it means I’m actually conscious of what I’m doing; some days are definitely more productive than others, however, I’m starting to see the things that I need to be seeing and that makes me a happy camper.

The non-negotiables we need to do, but don’t

So this morning (yes, even on a weekend), I bounced out of bed at 5:30am. I sat out on our deck and breathed in the calm, cool morning air focusing on a positive and inspiring mantra to get me through my day. I then went on my merry way, jogging without a care, the 6.5kms around my local area before I returned home to make myself a Gorgeous Geisha T2 and have an exhilarating shower where I looked like a model and felt sensational.

This is actually all a fat lie.

In reality, I fell out of bed around 10am. My face was squished with my hand print and my hair resembled a kindergarten sculpture art project. I didn’t wake refreshed; I wasn’t calm. I don’t think even I said hello to my husband. In between heading straight for the shower and actually getting back into bed, my internal ego was SCREAMING at me. ‘Go for a walk! Get your joggers on and just bloody GO!’ And even though I know it would have been the absolutely best thing for me, I ignored the hell out it, drank a coffee and ate some buttery carbs.

Why is this? Why do we so often ignore those little internal voices of ours? And not only do we tend to not do it, but we do the OPPOSITE. We throw together our army and completely stand up against this voice that, in reality, is actually trying to give us a hand.

I finished reading a wonderful book this afternoon that has guided me through the last few weeks as I’ve felt a little lost and listless – ‘Live Your Truth’ by Kamal Ravikant. This book resonated with me greatly and whilst it has stirred my emotional pot a little more than what I would have liked, it was exactly what I needed to read in that particular moment.

Personally, I know why I didn’t go for a walk/run this morning. I know why I didn’t get up and start my day in the way I know I ‘should’ have started it. Because I’m scared. I’m not scared of the run, but I’m scared of what it might represent.

“When something comes from within, when it is a part of you, you have no choice but to live it, to express it.”
Kamal Ravikant, Live Your Truth

I want to achieve so many things in my life, that sometimes it scares the hell out of me and I don’t know where to start. I’m frightened of what will happen if I actually… omg… succeed. I have always been this way – couldn’t lose weight, stopped seeking out musical career opportunities, backed away from taking risks. Whilst these may seem trivial, to my 30-year-old self, they are huge. And whilst I will always be a bit of a dreamer, something has definitely changed in me. I don’t want to be the person who always talks about how she’s gonna change/succeed. I want to be the ‘do-er’ and let things speak for themselves. The realisation of this has been massive because it’s more than just an ‘oh yeah, well, all of this makes sense. I’ll do it’.

It’s an acceptance that I can no longer keep running away from the things that I know are within me to do. The things that I simply just HAVE to do in order to be the person that I need to be, and more importantly, want to be. I need to live my truth.

I’ll set my alarm for 5:30am tomorrow. Yes, even on a Sunday.